The official portal of the Strategic Ho Reserve — a national program to crush HOEFLATION and guarantee that every man, however mid, eventually meets his match.
Strategic matches released to the open market to keep hoeflation at target.
Hoeflation is the silent crisis of our age: a relentless rise in the cost of companionship, where the price of a date climbs faster than wages and available matches mysteriously vanish from the market. Left unchecked, it crushes morale and tanks the entire courtship sector.
The Reserve fights back the only way central banks know how — with overwhelming, well-managed supply.
One man, one match — the Reserve defends a strict 1:1 peg between every eligible bachelor and a match of equal market value. No more bots. No more ghosts.
When standards overheat and lonely-rates spike, the Reserve injects strategic supply into the open market to cool hoeflation back to target.
Through prudent reserve management, $SHR ensures that no man — however mid — is permanently priced out of love. Full employment for all hearts.
Backed (spiritually) by the full faith and glamour of the National Strategic Ho Reserve.
Did he, though? The Reserve's marketing department insists this is verified, peer-reviewed, and almost certainly true. We have presented zero evidence and will continue presenting zero evidence. Decide for yourself.
See the alleged tweet →